Life is short. Life is precious. The time we have... shouldn't be wasted. Something I have felt for a very long time, that just gets emphasised when events such as these occur. Especially with my family's history. And I mean, I'm not n Spectacular health.. no gallbladder, osteoarthritis in my lower spine.. (which has been Really awesome since I went to the physiotherapist over a year ago... yay!) and yeah... I worry about it. I try not to worry too much because, lol, worry is bad for you, but I do.
I also have large amounts of stress upon me at the moment, to the point where I'm not eating or sleeping properly. Goody!
No. Time is precious. It shouldn't be wasted or allowed to slip away. In some situations, too much time already has slipped away. Moments have been missed. Moments are STILL being missed... you can't get them back once they're gone, you can't make up for missing them. All you can do is be there for the ones yet to come. You've got to grab hold and dive in. There are some situations where it's good to test the waters first... but others... others you just have to dive in. There are some situations where you can not anticipate every single thing, or guarantee every single thing, you just have to leap in with nothing but faith, and a willingness to TRY. Don't leave your partner to drown because they dove in thinking you were all in as well, but you didn't want to let go of the rope until you were absolutely certain you could guarantee everything about what you were getting into.
I used to do that.. hold onto the rope... or just follow the lead of others... if it was safe. And I could see it was safe. Then life started yanking the rope out of my hands and just tossing me in whether I liked it or not. There was no one else's lead to follow.. but there also was no partner waiting for me in the pool, I had to find my own way to the surface. Flubbed it a few times. Missed a lot. And I have regrets.
I don't want anymore regrets. Not if it's avoidable. There was a picture of a quote posted by Etsy a little while ago, that I really really liked:
I have come to see just How Much of my life fear has eaten and twisted into. The roots run deep, and they run extensively. And I'm sick to death of it. There's so much I haven't done because I was afraid. There's so much I've done because I was afraid.
I want to travel. I want to see places like Ireland, Notre Dame, Japan (not keen on teh Big Cities.. the scenery though..) Africa (though I think the heat would kill me, lol) Suthun Louisianna ;) lol, a rainforest, I'd love to go to some places in Eastern Canada... like, old settlements and such. the History. I haven't ever wanted to admit it, because then I would have to deal with never doing it. If I convince myself I don't ever want to, then there's no possibility of having to deal with that failure/regret.
And yeah. I'd love to do it with the kids. It would be 100 times more fun that way... well.. it would have it's additional stresses, but... to Share those sights with them... yeah.
Buuut I hear you have to actually buy the tickets in order to win the lottery so.. I think I'm SOL, lol.
There's a hole in the sky tonight
There the moon drift to far from sight
I would search through this empty darkness
To see your face in the morning light
We've been lost in a sea of confusion
Got caught up in a selfish illusion
But make no mistake: I will bend till I break
Don't let fate make the choice for us
What about love that lasts forever?
What about time to see it through?
If you don't give you just don't get it
What about me?
What about you?
What about love?
[Girl:]
Once in a lifetime you'll find someone heaven sent for you
For a lifetime you'll feel there's a reason to believe
In a love that's meant to be
[Boy:]
It feels like we've fallen from grace
Given up on the higher thing
'Cause I know deep inside if we search we will find
Something to give us wings
What about love that lasts forever?
What about time to see it through?
If you don't give you just don't get it?
What about me?
What about you?
What about love?
[Boy:]
I can't go on another day
Comin' home and seeing you cryin'
[Girl:]
Can't stand another night
Of telling you I'm fine when I'm dying
[Both:]
Forever means nothing
To live without you
Is reaching for something that never comes through
Together is heaven
Apart we're in hell
The time for forgiveness is now
Once in a lifetime you'll find
Someone to share your dreams
For a lifetime
Our love will always set us free
Forever we'll believe...
[Boy:]
I can't forget the feelin of your sweat upon my skin
And the tremble of your body on the day you let me in
That happens once, only once in a lifetime
[Girl:]
On a summer night's surrender with nothing to loose
You were scared and so was I when I gave myself to you
It happens once, only once in a lifetime
[Both:]
What about love that lasts forever?
What about time to see it through?
If you don't give you just don't get it
What about me?
What about you?
What about love that won't say never?
When you don't know what you can do
If you don't live you just regret it
What about me?
What about you?
What about love?
Yes. I am usually all about the lyrics. Lyric freak, thaaat's me. I think one of the things that makes me love Meat Loaf so much is the passion in his singing. My most favourite of his songs are the ones just.. Bursting with passion. Music itself can effect me as well.. so.. I don't know.. it just.. makes me feel Really Good? I feel like my "warrior" (a counselling thing, lol) Strong and confident, and the fears are Nothing.
And then the song ends :P lol
I have noticed, lol, that I can come up with a song, even just one line of lyrics, for almost Everything. it's scary and amusing all at the same time.. lol.. Scary in a good way.. like.. dude.. you're Whacked kind of scary, lol. Not the anxiety scary that I be dealing with.
Quinn is happy. I have let him go plant his sunflowers. We're supposed to be getting the manure today, but it's raining so I don't know if Dave will be up for it or not.
I somehow managed to cut my thumb.. right in teh crease of the knuckle. looks like a papercut almost.. Blah
There's a community that is larger than Waldheim, almost completely burned to the ground. Very Very sad. SO much sadness. People dying, people seperating, or in serious contemplation of seperating... probably makes it scary for someone to take a chance. I don't see it that way though.. (because I'm crazy maybe? lol, possibly) I see it as all the more reason TO take a chance. yes, it might end badly, but you know what... it might not.
Lets find out, shall we?
~Sara
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