Twice in One Day

Gotta be careful I don't turn this into my journal, and neglect my journal...

BUT

I had a good small group this evening.. I talked.. waaaaay too much at the end, lol, but... I consider it a significant, of sorts, victory to have been able TO talk about stuff.

Note to self to water plants tomorrow.

Debating whether I want to watch some tv, or just go right to bed.

My sister has a job interview on Tuesday. Here's hoping it goes well (if it's something that would be good anyway)

I'm going to se myself a few goals for tomorrow... and try to be realistic about them so I don't get uber depressed when they don't get accomplished because I gave myself too much to do:

1. Dishes
2. Fold All Laundry
3. Keep washer and dryer going
4. Bake Bread (at least 4, try for 6)
5. Mend the quick fixes
6. Sew Something, whether for kids, or for Etsy, but Sew Something!

I like the number six, so I think I will leave it at that. A number of those tasks are good for multi-tasking.. So, I THINK I can get it accomplished. The folding looks like a lot, but once I get into it it gets done fairly quickly. I don't help at the preschool tomorrow, or have an appointment in rosthern, lol, so I can get some bread started in teh morning, another in the afternoon, and then possibly another in the evening. I'm not sure about the third batch, I would like to get it done, but we shall see. I will be content if I get the two done.

I need to sew again though. I need o force myself to be creative again. Sewing I figure to be the best method of that, it's partially mindless for me, so, while I'm still involved, at the same time I can still go through the motions.. the logic makes sense to me, but perhaps not to others.

lol, I'm already trying to talk myself out of doing it *sigh*

I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings. I think perhaps I should just go to bed and cuddle my girl. I can feel pessimism and what's the point in anything starting to creep into my thoughts.

What is wrong with me? For a little while, I was ok, I didn't have the anxiety.. and.. I get home, and slowly it all starts to come back. What do I need to do to get the quiet and peace to stay?? What is my ca in the fog? To safely get me from point a to b, even though I can't see the way?

I really am finding that a good analogy for my life right now.. for my life the past while. I can't see where I'm going, I can't see if there's anyone coming, I have to trust that I'm going to make it to the other side safely. The one time I hesitated was when it almost ended badly, but even then I ended up ok...

I had the thought in church today.. just kind of out of nowhere, but considering how loopish my thoughts are possibly not, anyway.. that God is my car, through the fog. He will carry me and get me through to the other side of this journey in the mist safely. Now, it's a bit of a whacky analogy, because, ultimately, I am the one driving the car and 'telling' it where to go.. so I don't know.. but as a loose one.. I think it works.

Have been trying to find what thing in THIS world I could use to build my rope bridge through chaos.. and that's likely Not what I should be doing.

Footprints. I've always liked that poem. My parents used to have it up in our house when I was little.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

I came across it on a plaque in the clothes basket, and so now I have it up in my kitchen.

It's really hard to just let go and have faith. It's also very scary.

Goodnight.

~Sara